Dealing with Judgment When You Live Differently: FI Edition
How to Stop Caring About What People Think and Keep Crushing Your FI Goals
People love to judge when you do things differently—especially when it comes to money. If you’ve ever been side-eyed for driving an older car, skipping an overpriced meal, or saying “no” to an office gift exchange, this one’s for you. Let’s talk about how to deal with financial judgment while staying focused on FI.
“What Does This Have to Do With FI?” 🤔
Before Mr. DINK asks me, “What does this have to do with FI?” Let me get that out of the way right now. The answer? Everything.
If you’re a people-pleaser, Type A, or recovering overachiever, you probably feel like you need permission to say no to things that don’t align with your values, budget, or bank account.
Here’s your permission slip. 📝 Use it often. It’s your money. You get to control where it goes.
And yet, the moment you start making different financial choices, people love to comment. Like, obsessively love to comment. They don’t even realize they’re doing it.
We get it. Change is scary. But our journey from debt to FI won’t look the same as anyone else’s—and that’s okay.
💬 The Subtle (and Not-So-Subtle) Judgments
🙄 The Subtle Judgments:
“Oh, you don’t have cable? I need my Netflix, Hulu, and Disney+.”
“You still drive that car?” 🚗
“You meal prep? I could never give up eating out.”
😳 The Not-So-Subtle Judgments:
“Why don’t you just buy a house already?” 🏡
“If you’re so good with money, why don’t you just live a little?”
“Wait… you actually like budgeting?”
Office Elf and the Christmas Mutiny 🎄
I’ll never forget the year I did my own KonMari Tidying Event (aka decluttering) and went on to have a no-spend year (+2). Between the Tidying Event and Christmas, I would periodically bring things with a homemade free sign on to the office. (Stuff went fast!) My decluttering journey was not a secret. I was thrilled to share that I had less stuff and had more time to relax with others.
As the office was gearing up for the annual Christmas party, our Office Elf reminded me about a white elephant gift and secret Santa. I remember looking at our beloved Office Elf and said, “No thank you!” Our Office Elf did not take too kindly to this idea that someone would be sitting on the sidelines of the Christmas Office Festivities.
This. Did. Not. Compute. ❌
The shock. The horror. The sheer betrayal.
It was nearly office treason—punishable by side-eye glares and passive-aggressive Slack messages.
The Office Elf got visibly upset. It was as if I had single-handedly crushed the holiday spirit under the weight of my radical decision to not spend $25 on a random, useless gift just to receive another random, useless gift in return.
But here’s the thing: I held strong. And that was hard.
If I gave in this time, it would be harder to say no next time. But if I set the boundary now, I’d never have to fight this battle again.
Do I think Office Elf still remembers my grinchy ways? Probably. Do I care? Not one bit.
Pro Tip from Mr. DINK: Don’t ever touch the Elf on the Shelf. Made that mistake once in front of a group of elementary students.
Shout out to Mr. DINK who does a much better job at not internalizing, ruminating, and worrying about what others think.
Why People Care So Much About Your Choices
1️⃣ The Mirror Effect: Your Choices Make Them Uncomfortable
When you choose FI, minimalism, or intentional spending, you unknowingly hold up a mirror. 🔍
Your choices challenge their normal, and that can be uncomfortable. Instead of self-reflecting, they project.
“You don’t spend money on designer bags?” → They start questioning their own spending habits.
“You’re happy without upgrading your car?” → They wonder if their car payment is actually worth it.
It’s not about you—it’s about them. Gosh I remember a time when a friend commented on “that ugly dirty car” in the parking lot. Then Mr. DINK clicked the lock button. The horror on our friend’s face after she insulted us about our 2008 Kia Spectra. It was hilarious. Lots of people judged us for driving a fully paid off car. (Per Mr. DINK, they were judging because the car was filthy and held together by God and HVAC tape.)
2️⃣ Money is Still Taboo
It’s 2025. We openly talk about politics, health, and personal relationships, but money? Still a massive no-go.
People are uncomfortable discussing salaries, investments, and spending habits. That’s why they cling to societal “norms” instead of questioning their financial choices.
For context: I’m making $18/hr, moved my investments to Vanguard (netted $25K since September), and we’re on track to spend about $41K this year. (BTW—if you missed it, we fired our financial advisor.
How We (Actually I) Stopped Caring What People Think
Let’s be real—Mr. DINK has never (maybe rarely) cared. Me? It’s taken years of practice. But here’s what helped:
✔️ Reframe Judgment as Proof You’re Doing Something Right
If people notice, you’re probably making intentional choices.
Most people don’t think about money—so your financial awareness alone makes you different.
Take their side-eye as a compliment. 😏
✔️ Confidence is Your Best Defense
Own your choices. If you’re happy with your lifestyle, that’s all that matters.
Instead of justifying, respond with humor: “Yeah, we’re weird like that!”
“Sure.” (Followed by an awkward silence.) (My personal favorite because it forces them to fill the silence.)
Confidence shuts down judgment fast.
✔️ Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People
Online FI communities, minimalist groups, or people who just get it.
You don’t need everyone to agree with your choices—just a solid support system.
Book Recs: If You Need Help Giving Fewer F*cks 📚
If you need a push to stop caring about what others think, try these (warning: lots of spicy language! 🔥):
F*ck No!: How to Stop Saying Yes When you Can’t, You Shouldn’t, or You Just Don’t Want To by Sarah Knight
Stop Doing That Sh*t: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back by Gary John Bishop
Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis
You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by
Judgment is Temporary. Your FI Goals Are FOREVER. 🔥
As Mr. DINK lovingly reminds me: “Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. And they all stink”
Nobody else is paying your bills. So why let their opinions dictate your life?
Sure, sometimes people offer great advice. But most of the time? Their judgment is just noise. Keep your head down, focus on your FI goals, and let your results do the talking.
Mic drop. 🎤
Let’s Swap Stories!
What’s the weirdest or most annoying judgment you’ve received about your financial choices? Drop it in the comments!
Share this post if you have ever been judged for your FI choices!
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